I Resent This - Sort Of

For Gay Couple, Fulfilling Lifelong Dream Of Marriage Not Worth Moving To Iowa

April 30, 2009 Issue 45•18

NEW YORK—Having their sworn commitment to each other and all related rights therein recognized by the highest court of a sovereign U.S. state is ultimately not worth the hassle of moving to Iowa, longtime partners Danny Mindlin and Alex Small determined Monday. "Alex and I want to grow old together, but we'd have to drive six hours just to get a mezzaluna at Restoration Hardware," said Mindlin, who claimed he "couldn't survive" without a strawberry frosted cupcake from Amy's Bread after yoga every Thursday. "And where would we summer? Dubuque? I think we'll just buy a townhouse and live in an unrecognized union with beautiful granite countertops instead." The couple told reporters that their plans to adopt also weighed heavily in the decision, since they want to raise a child who is healthy, balanced, and "not tacky."

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OK, I know this is actually a spoof from The Onion (for those of you who haven't figured that out yet). But even that doesn't excuse the insult to Iowa. Or DBQ.

Sadly, too many people, gay or straight (or a mix), have this wrong idea about DBQ &/or Iowa. There is plenty to do here, just not for those who think their defecation doesn't have a maliferous odor. In fact, I'll take the smell of cow manure any day. At least that BS is a great fertilizer. Theirs isn't even good for that.

On a more serious note, a gay couple would not raise a child who is balanced since that child would be raised to believe that an immoral relationship was normal, not sinful as it really is.