Failing Chemistry 101 & Biology 101

CARBON FREE SUGAR?????????????????????????????????? We have officially entered the twilight zone folks. For those of you who don't get it & don't have the patience to read all the way down to the chemistry lesson, sugar is a carbohydrate, that means it is made up of carbon & water. Just like about every food we eat. To be carbon free would mean that it isn't sugar, just plain old dihydromonoxide. (As for the dangers of that, check out the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division website.) FYI, virtually any living thing (flora & fauna) on Earth is pretty much carbon based, which is why we need carbon.

Glenn Beck: Spotlight On Science

GLENN: You are not going to believe the latest in the green movement! Putting science in her rightful place may be a little more exciting than I thought. This is good stuff. When it makes -- when being green makes me talk about sugar, sugary treats like cake and icing, cake with icing, icing with icing, icing with M&Ms and icing, I'm in. But, of course, this is today about a greener sugar. Let me say it again. This is about a greener sugar, not even that green sprinkly sugar that they put on those huge clover cookies at St. Paddy's Day. Oh, cookies! This is about environmentalist sugar. These guys are now treading into Glenn Beck territory. I warn you, it could get ugly. Domino's sugar is now offering certified carbon-free sugar. Now for all you tree huggers, this is a moment when the sunburst through the clouds and angels sing because your movement is now moving ahead with so much steam that there are sure to be supermarkets with only hemp burgers and recyclable diapers -- thanks, Canada -- on the bamboo shelves at any moment. But as we look closer and really think of carbon-free sugar, I'm pretty sure it's impossible. "But this is certified." Yes, I know. I'm pretty sure it's impossible. Why? Well, I seem to recall, I didn't really listen in high school chemistry but when we had to stare at that damn periodic table of elements, didn't we all learn that C stood for carbon. Carbon is an element! You can't ban elements! But C was carbon. Carbon makes up a lot of things. Carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide. Us, you're a carbon-based life form. Oh, how about this one: Carbohydrate. What do you think the carbo stands for? Sugar. Sucrose is a common table sugar. It has the chemical formula of C12H22O11. I don't want to get too scientific here but after all, we're putting science in her rightful place. C12 means carbon, 12 molecules of carbon. H2211, 11 molecules of water. It's H2O times 11. So when you have carbon and water, you get carbo-hydrates, hydrates, like hydropower. Water... carbo... hydrates. So if you have no carbon in sugar, you have... hydrates. Drink a glass of water and pour that on your frickin' cake! Wow, imagine how good those hemp cookies and flaxseed frosting will taste with the new environmentally friendly green certified carbon-free sugar water that has no sugar in it!