If Bishop Trautman Could Rewrite the Roman Rite Liturgy

At least according to how Fr. Z sees it:

Missa Trautmanensis

Priest: Uhm, like, hey guys, we need to, you know, get started, so let’s do the cross thingy. OK, so now we’re gonna say sorry and stuff to God because, you knowwhat? Nobody’s perfect.

All: I’m sorry if anything I did was offensive. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. My bad.

Priest: Ok, let’s, like, talk to God now and listen to the stories in the book.

Lector: [lector reads the day’s selection] This is from that book from God.

All: Thanks God.

Cantor: Now you all are gonna repeat after me, like row row row your boat and I’ll sing some stuff from the book.

Priest: Uhm, This next part is really important so let’s everybody stand up and do the cross thingy on our heads, mouths and chest.Hey, peace y’all.

All: Right back atcha.

[the priest reads the Gospel of the day]

Priest: Jesus did this.All: Thanks Jesus.

Priest: [gives pastoral, easily comprehensible homily]

Priest: Hey guys, now let’s say that long thing that talks about what we think about and stuff.

All: We like God. God is cool and really nice because He made me and this whole world – which by the way – we are totally polluting and it’s getting hot. Jesus was born in a little barn and every Christmas we have a play during church but then he died. But you know what? He loves me and wants me to be happy. There’s this spirit that talks to us in a book and he makes things live. I like my church because everyone here is so nice and the priest is nice and we sing nice songs about nice stuff and later when we get old and icky, after we die, we all get to go to heaven with Jesus. He’s really cool by the way. Amen.

Priest: Now let’s pray for a bunch of stuff.

[intentions are prayed]

Priest: hey you guys in the back? Can y’all carry that basket and pitcher up here? That’d help a lot. Thanks.

Priest: Hey y’all, be peaceful and stuff.

All: You too.

Priest: Let’s pray to God and, you know.

All: yeah, that’d be nice.

Priest: You know what? Angels and stuff sing to God so let’s sing along with them.

All: Hey God. You are way bigger than us.You make the world happy.We love you big guy.YAY!Jesus liked you and he was cool.YAY!

Priest: A long time ago, at dinner, Jesus gave His friend’s some bread and wine and stuff.

Because Jesus likes us, He wants us to have bread and wine too.

God wants us to have this snack also.

And you know what?

We really like snacks so let’s tell God and Jesus and that Spirit gal thanks.

All: Yeah…Thanks.

[all present themselves for communion]

Priest: (holding out a wicker basket) Uhm, like, here’s some bread for you from God.Recipient: Yum, that’s good and nutty, is it whole grain by the way? I like it. Now where’s that dude with the vino?

Funny yes, but probably not too far off the mark either. A couple of lines sonded like they could have come from "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" or "Monty Python & the Holy Grail".

I am sick & tired of Bishop Trautman's looking down on us & treating us so condescendingly. & I have to wonder what the agenda is behind it. & the only answer I can come up with is to undermine what the Church actually teaches. I hope I am wrong, but fear I am right. If so, then Bishop Trautman might do well to go back & see what God said in the Bible about shepherds who do what he is doing.

Fr. Z wrote this after commenting on a news article about a speech Bishop Trautman gave last week at Catholic University of American in which he ran down the new translation of the Missale Romanum. He does an excellent job of refuting Bishop Trautman's statements at ehy were reported. If anyone knows where Fr. Z can get a copy of the entire speech please let him know. That having been said, based on what I have seen in the past, I think the article was an accurate description of the Bishop's comments & Fr. Z's response is very valid. Check out the entire post here: Wherein Bp. Trautman runs down new translation and Fr. Z responds